I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize