If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I need to stop coming to work sober
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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