My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
