I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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