the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I want a musical about memes.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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