I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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