last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
