how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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