I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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