I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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