i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
