Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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