There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
