So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
