Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
