I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
try to milk me bitch
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