...so i touched it.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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