Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
