but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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