I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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