someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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