Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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