I wish I could teleport
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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