did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
