I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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