Soap is not a condiment
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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