My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
