What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
my being single is dangerous.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
