new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I intend to get homeless drunk
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
