I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
