Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
