I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
