Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
