Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
