That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
