she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
