I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
