I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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