If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
