worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
