is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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