Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
