i was born a porn star she said
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
