The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
