I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Hippo gnu deer
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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