Define "chronic" masturbator.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's shark week go big or go home
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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