You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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