dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
