1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
