I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
