I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
