Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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