I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
