I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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