im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
