yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
