all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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