I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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