So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
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Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
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I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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