Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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