just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
