Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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