my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
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I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
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Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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