put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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