He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
be right there i have to get my cape
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize