I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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