so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
