In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
