i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
